No Expectation; No Fear


My current roller-coaster ride took an unexpected turn last night. I've been hitting every high and low concerning my body and its endometriosis at a record pace. I even determined that if I was only meant to have Alex, I was content and notably blessed. That is not to say that I had given up. I could never give up.

I will admit, it's been annoying to hear all of the stories of the so and so's who have endometriosis AND have 4,5,or 6 kids. I almost felt as if people were indirectly belittling my situation. Each medical case is, in fact, it's own case and shouldn't be compared to the best or the worst of conditions. Instead, it should be treated "as is" and on an individual basis. (readers are encouraged to make a mental note here. Please don't try to make my condition better or worse than it is. thank you.)

The word from my Doctor is that she feels my endometriosis is minor. A small cyst did show up on my ultrasound but it's so small that she said it's nearly impossible that it was the cause of my great pain. She and I talked about the treatments that could be done...

You could just get pregnant, Amy. That would help better than any hormonal treatment. Unless...are you not ready for that?

It's not that I'm not ready for it, I just don't want the pain month after month coupled with the aggravation of not getting pregnant to become the story of my life.

I understand. Well, you're going to start taking the pill on the Sunday following your next period. Just understand (motherly tone ensues) you are not protected from pregnancy the first month. O.K.?

I smiled. O.K.

Mike and I had a conversation last night about all of this. He asked if we could just try these next 2 months to get pregnant. He said he wants to be a Dad. When I mentioned my concern for the lack of space in our home, he told me, "God said be fruitful and multiply. We already know what we're supposed to do. Now we just have to trust that God will provide the needs we have concerning those children."

I know it's in the Bible but really, how cheesy does that sound to you? I started laughing right away.

I wanted to be sure that Mike doesn't have any expectations that we will get pregnant right away. It did happen with Alex, literally the first time we "forgot" to use protection. However, that does not happen every day and the truth is that we, like many people, could be on a waiting list of sorts for our second child.

Mike wanted to be sure that fear wasn't holding me back from having another child. He also told me that even if we had to construct a second bedroom out of cardboard for 6 months, it wouldn't matter in 50 years. It sounds a little dramatic, I know, but his point was made.

So, we made an agreement: No expectation; no fear. If we can't report by August that we're pregnant, I'm going to continue my birth control for at least 6 months before we try again. In that time, my body can recoup and regain the strength it needs.

Now I will open the floodgates and wait for the phone calls/e-mails inquiring if I'm pregnant yet or not. :)

Remember. No expectation.

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2 comments :

  1. Amy, God has the perfect baby picked out for you and Mike and He also knows when the perfect time will be to bless you with him/her! Just enjoy life and take care of yourself, everything is going to be fine my friend!!!!!

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  2. amy...
    i just found your blog and i love hearing what's going on with you and little alex. (not that your mom doesn't keep us updated... i think you guys are her favorite topic) i'll keep you in my prayers, girl!
    hope to see you soon!
    --lori bunk--

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I'm so happy you stopped by today. What's on your mind?