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Friday, August 5, 2011

Enough is Enough?

OK. So. Any mom knows the emotion I'm about to talk about. I refer to it as the "Don't wake up Mama Bear" emotion.

And guess what? woke up this mama bear.

My poor son has been sick for almost 3 weeks now. It all started when a 24 hour stomach bug was passed through my family and Alex just never fully recovered. His Doctor thinks that even after 14 days of being sick that it was still viral but in my heart, I feel that his is not the right diagnosis.

Thankfully, a lot of tests were done on his blood and {cover your ears if you get grossed out easily} his stool. So far, we know nothing except that we see no change in Alex whatsoever. He's becoming a very picky eater, his energy is low, he just doesn't feel well, and I want to hit the "Stop" button and get him back to being my energetic boy.

We have about 3 or so tests that we're waiting on results from and hopefully one of those gives us an answer to the "What on earth is going on?" question. For now, I'm stuck in a very frustrating situation. I pray constantly for my little guy and I do believe God answers prayer. What's ironic is when he first started feeling sick, Alex told me that he asked Jesus to heal him and Jesus said, "Nope. Sorry. You're sick." and I explained that God does answer prayer, we just don't always get the answer we want. Now, I remind myself that God sometimes gives a different kind of "Yes" than we understand or anticipate.

As a mama bear, I want to defend my son and fight off anything that tries to bring him down. I get so fed up with the "no answers yet" and I grow impatient on things as sophisticated as laboratories and technicians. I want answers now. I want him better now. But when I get that tense and upset, I remember to put it all back into the hands of God and trust Him.

That doesn't mean I give up. No. I don't do the whole "Let go and let God" bit to the extreme of naivety and apathy. I will pursue answers and do my best to comfort my son while trusting God to give us guidance and peace in the journey.



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