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Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Take Her Off Her Pedestal

"You're going to Allume?" 

"Do you realize all the famous bloggers you will meet?"

It hadn't occurred to me until these questions were asked. I had my heart fixed to go to Allume this fall so I could be encouraged with one of my God-Sized dreams of writing. I wanted to be in a room full of inspiration, taking it all in until my heart was overflowing.

But as I started to think about who will be there, my head started to spin. "OMGosh! I am going to fall apart if I meet her!" 

Peter walking on water, taking his eyes off Jesus for his own "OMGosh" moment, was challenged on where his faith was.

So am I now. 

Where is my faith? Who am I looking to for this God-Sized dream?

As the names of all the "famous bloggers" swirled around in my mind, overwhelming me for sure, God hit the Stop button. "Stop, Amy. Stop that!" The humble truth was revealed to me once again. Those people who God has placed in positions that seem lofty compared to my own are people...just like me. They're moms and sisters, friends and laundry folders. They have to care for their homes just like I do. And those weeds outside? They're not exempt from those either. They're people - Real deal, "had a bad day too", women. 

They're not celebrities. 
They're company is not a prize to be competed for. 
They're life is not so much more glamorous than mine. 

And as I allowed my mind to zoom in even closer, I saw more work, more struggle, more stress, longer hours, more giving, and even more giving. I saw more emails, more paperwork, more meetings, more long nights, more tweets to reply to, more people needing more of them...and I.WAS.HUMBLED.

My rebuke looked like this:
Stop praising their names.
Stop holding them up on pedestals and begging for them to notice "little 'ol me".
                                            Put away your pride.
Stop freaking out over re-tweets or post comments or replies in general.
Stop making the idol.
Oh, my soul aches from this rebuke...and that's just how I'm feeling. I can't imagine what it does to God to have people praise His own people and forget about Him. I don't want to see His reaction to my obsessive checking of my twitter page to see if "she" has replied to me yet or even the times I turn into a teenage girl over something I was tagged in. 

{It hurts to share this truth with you.}

My God? I'm pretty crazy about Him. When He acknowledges me, my heart swoons. When He whispers to my heart, it goes "pitter-patter" and I would do anything for Him. I have an eternal bond with Him and I don't want anything or anyone to get in the way of that. 

So I'm calling "her" down from her pedestal and looking into her eyes instead. I acknowledge the great things she's doing and writing and the most wonderful ways I see God using her. I allow her to be a person and realize she's broken just like me. I respect her but I long for the relationship of "iron sharpens iron" with her, where I'm becoming better at my relationship with God because of time spent listening to her. I allow her to speak His words into my life but don't hold her up as someone that will help my status or make me relevant. We are sisters, all. We are all in desperate need of the One who saves. 

This is me. This is something I have been struggling with and God is gracious enough to walk me through it and turn it right again. How good is He and how broken am I? 

I pray I don't forget this. I pray my heart stays right and my motivation stays fixed on what He has called ME to do. I pray I continue to learn about real community.

For now, I'm done with pedestals and false praise. Another step in His direction. Another part of me undone and held safely in His hands. 

Psalm 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.


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