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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Time To Come Clean

Today this "blog" will serve as a venting post for me. I tend to carry things around deep inside and I'm finding that the more I do that, the worse my mood is.

Time to lighten up.

I met with my Dr. last week to talk about the excruciating pain I had experienced lately. After giving her my description, she told me that she was almost positive I had endometriosis. If you haven't heard of this before, click here for an overview.

Tomorrow, I'll be going back to my doctor's office for an ultrasound. On Friday, I'll go in for a followup appointment with my doctor. At the second appointment I'll learn about how extreme or minor my condition is. Following that, we'll talk about treatment.

My treatment can range anywhere from taking birth control to a more aggressive hormonal treatment, or even surgery. I'm scared stiff to find out what's been going on since I've had these symptoms for at least 5 years now. This is the first time I've had a doctor tell me that it's probably endometriosis. In the past, I was told it was ovarian cysts and that beyond taking birth control or getting pregnant, there wasn't much I could do.

I hate that this is happening right now. I wish that there were something I could have done to avoid having endometriosis. I wish there were something I could do to make it leave and never return. Unfortunately, that's not exactly how things work. I'll most likely have these symptoms, in some form or other, for the rest of my life.

I did a little research on endometriosis and read that it's a disease. The word disease almost makes it sound worse to me. I read that people who have surgery to remove their endometriosis, usually have symptoms return within months of their surgery. I read that even women who have a hysterectomy can have their symptoms return.

This makes me feel helpless...but not hopeless.

I know that if the ability to have children is taken from me, I have one beautiful little boy to be thankful for. Not to mention, Mike and I have always wanted to adopt a child.

I told Mike the other night that "I'm not seeing the bigger picture here." I know there's a lot more to my life than just this part of it. In the grand scheme of things, this is just one very small part of a greater story. There are so many more chapters to my life that I would be foolish to get stuck here.

In the great words of Charlie Chaplin:
Smile tho' your heart is aching,
Smile Even though it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky-
You'll get by,
If you Smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through-
For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev'ry trace of sadness,
Altho' a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile- What's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

1 comment:

  1. Aww...I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope things start looking up for you once you begin treatment!

    And I love that song. I remember it from a movie...I want to say it was in "Beaches." Even though it's about smiling, it kinda makes me want to cry!


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