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Monday, January 14, 2013

Friends Are Willing To Intrude

On my mind, this very moment, are some dear friends of mine. They're special and have seen me through my transitions from being "me" to being "me plus motherhood"...and now homeschooling.

They don't all homeschool their families. They don't all prefer ruffles, lace, glitz, and vintage like I do. But our differences don't outweigh the things we do have in common. No. Our differences make us individuals. Our hearts make us friends.

I had felt like I failed as a friend to these girls.

In more than one situation in my life, I have felt like I failed someone and backed myself out of the relationship. I couldn't stand feeling like a failure but I never once came out to someone and said "I think I stink at this friendship thing and I don't know how to fix it."

I challenged myself with these girls. I challenged myself to not isolate and shut down. I challenged myself to be vulnerable and present.

Sometimes isolation is the easiest solution. Oh, but isolation is so devastating and painful at the same time.

In our "huddle", to play on a word I used most recently here, there was something tragic that happened. It was one of those things that life brings and no one can see it coming...not even the person directly involved. Suddenly, we were all hurting and wanting to make this event disappear.

And we all got involved in some way or another. After all, when tragedy strikes there must be something we can do.

Still, time passed and our hearts still ached.

I can't speak for anyone else in the group because I haven't asked them, but I know I spent many days crying and praying for my dear friend in her time of need. I even insisted with God time and again "I DON'T WANT THIS FOR HER!".

But I saw something begin to fade in my friend. I saw a part of her being tucked away and isolation becoming more consistent. And I ached even more...because I am usually the person isolating, hiding my wounds.

Oddly enough, I was listening to TobyMac one day {my kiddos like to jam his CD on the regular} and he said "Real friends are willing to intrude". I couldn't shake that one line and it stirred something in my heart. A fight in me began to bubble up and a determination to do something more for my friend.

I had an idea of what I would do and I brought it up at dinner with the other girls. And God showed mercy on me, allowing this to be something we would all do together.

Our master plan was to politely and lovingly intrude...To put the huddle back together and be who we are...together.

It was beautiful to look back on when it was all said and done. We naturally picked up where we left off, visited, laughed, shared wine, and gave hugs.

Did we abolish the ugliness of tragedy? I regret to say we did not. You can't mend every situation but you CAN stand with those going through it and let them know you're not going to leave their side. That's what we did.

And in that one, simple act, we opened a new door with each other. We've now found a new freedom with each other and I think this year will bring us even closer together.

The lesson? When you want to isolate, take another step closer anyway...toward the people you call "friend". I pray I remain true to these friends. I pray I'm able to find a way around the times I feel inferior and want to shut down.

I pray you have a group of friends who are willing to intrude.


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