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Friday, February 1, 2013

On The Time I Was Insulted And Humiliated

I was excited at first. A meetup with someone I hadn't seen in a while was on the calendar. God knew I had been praying for just one super close friend to chat, giggle, shop, and grab coffee with. {Sometimes motherhood gets lonely.} Could this "catch-up coffee" be what rekindles and strengthens a friendship?

I was so excited for coffee with my long lost friend. I even had a gift in hand as a gesture, a way to say "I've missed you and I'm so happy to see you again". And the evening went wonderfully. We did that girly chit-chat thing where you lose track of time and then have to rush home before your husband thinks you've forgotten about him and the kids...and their bedtime...and his loneliness.

A smile was plastered on my face as I drove home that night. I thanked God for that time and I looked forward to getting together again.

The next get-together would be with our families. Conversation was great for everyone and we were all having a great time. And then it happened. Except, I didn't know it happened until well after that evening was over.

You see, I suffer from this condition called "rose colored glasses". This condition makes me want to think the best of everyone and every situation. Everything is fixable, everyone {for the most part} has something lovable in their character, and no friend of mine would EVER want to hurt MY feelings...because I honestly would never want to hurt theirs. Rose colored glasses.

I didn't see the hit I received for what it was. It was so passive aggressive yet so direct. I didn't want to believe she would want to insult I didn't. Plain and simple. Months later. Yes, months later. Something she said came to mind and it didn't sit right with me.

Why didn't her words sit right with me?

What's wrong with me that I would even question her?

And then I remembered what happened to even keep us from seeing each other in the first place, only it wasn't about me directly that time. And as I sat in my kitchen washing dishes, my eyes fixed themselves on something outside the window as I thought a bit more. Suddenly, the bowl I was holding under the running water dropped out of my hand, and tears began to cover my face.

I finally understood what she said to me that day. I also understood why she hadn't really responded to my reaching out to get together afterward. My heart was completely broken and all I could do was sob.

Why would she say something like that to me? What did I do wrong?
God? I just need a little direction on this one...

If I can be honest, I'm a forgiving person but there are times when it's harder to forgive than others. I wanted to call her up and say "What was THAT about?" and give her a dose of my temper. I also wanted to send out the message to my other friends of what happened. "Start up the Gossip Vine!" She couldn't possibly get away with that. I didn't want her to get away with it. I was so very hurt.

I decided after a bit of sensible thinking that I was going to leave things as they were and try forgiveness on for size. And maybe it was a bit easier because she had already pushed me out of her life in her "tango friendship" but I really just wanted to let it go.

So I did.

I share this story not because I feel like the whole world should take my side. I don't want to give you a bowl full of "woe is me". I share it because us women are not always kind to each other but it's easy to feel humiliated when you're at the receiving end of a direct hit. I know I sure did. BUT. In God's eyes, I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I offered my hand in friendship and it was practically spit on, but I.Didn't.Do.Anything.To.Deserve.It.

In all the ugliness I was caught up in, I'm free because I'm not at fault. And after spinning my way out of her tango, I see exactly how I can pray for her.

God will bring me the friendships I need so I don't have to worry about that. He also gets to hold the judge's gavel, so I don't have to label her or get revenge. Instead, I can be over here, free from that hurt, and praying for her...not praying for lightning bolts, mind you. I pray that God would love on her because we ALL need His love.

Tell me, has something like this ever happened to you? What did you do about it? Would you ever consider letting it go completely and moving on...without any "last word"? {Gosh, it's hard for me to give up the last word!}



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