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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Diagnosis Is Depression

I started feeling strange last week. I was more fatigued than normal and then began to feel a tightness around my throat. Gradually, the tight feeling grew worse and I found that I was feeling on the verge of tears every moment of every day. {I finally had a melt down while making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.}

I was scared stiff from this feeling. I thought something was going wrong with my thyroid.

I went in to see a doctor and had a long chat with him. The problem was, my symptoms matched up with a thyroid gone wonky, but they also matched up with depression. When he first said "depression", I was very confused. Certainly, I'm not depressed.

The doctor drew blood for a thyroid panel and said I would get a call back the next day on its results.


I'm 100% healthy. It's just that, those results mean I'm depressed.

"What in the world? Why? I'm FINE!" were my initial thoughts. Then that tightening around my throat grew tighter.  As I raised my hand to my throat in an effort to comfort the tightness away, I had to accept it; depression was attacking me pretty hard.

But where did this come from?

Well, this is my first year homeschooling and we did just move into our new home before Thanksgiving. And then in January, the hubster had 2 trips, 2 weeks in a row followed by the time he needed to begin working a minimum of 55 hours a week. I think he clocked in about 80 or so hours last week. Yes, now it's beginning to make sense. I'm overwhelmed and I've placed myself as the last possible person on the list.

So, here's my plan. I'm not going to give in to this. I'm not going to let a diagnosis of depression turn me into a depressed person. I'm going to fight for myself because I just realized I'm worth something. I'm worth a lot. And you? You're worth a lot too.

We are not victims of our circumstances but we can be chiseled with great character by them.

My fight has started and I'm not going to give up. I'm going to spend time seeking out the great things about me and being honest with myself. I'm going to take care of myself and speak up if I need something.

Maybe you're a mom on a journey to overcome your own depression. Let's join forces. Let's talk about it. You.ARE NOT.Alone.  And neither am I.

I may have some thoughts about this as I duke it out with depression. I'll be sharing with you what I can!



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