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Saturday, March 9, 2013

How Can I Give From Emptiness?

Within days of my diagnosis of depression, I received sad news from a friend. She was experiencing loss and fear and deep sadness. Upon receiving her news, I instantly began to cry. I cried because I felt so sad for her. I cried because I felt helpless. I cried because I didn't know if I should even try and piece together words to try and comfort her.

When I'm feeling so broken, when I feel as if I have absolutely nothing left, how do I give and show love to someone else?

In frustration, I clenched my fists as I prayed through my sobbing. "God, I can't. I have nothing. I feel as though I AM nothing. What could I possibly offer anyone else?" I cried a bit more and finally felt the wave of guilt and sadness pass.

I sat in the stillness for a minute with my eyes closed as my tears began to dry on my cheeks. I sighed and shook my head. "I have nothing." I whispered. "You have what you're learning." He whispered back.

Surely He didn't mean to say that from nothing, I have something, did He? I thought about what He said a bit more.

What I share in common with my friend is this feeling of great sadness. Even if the feeling comes from 2 different lives in 2 different situations, it is the same feeling. In my situation, I'm choosing to deal with this by pressing into everything I know to be true and constant. I'm choosing to fight to shake this feeling off. In this, I am learning so much and seeing the darkness being pulled away from my eyes, little by little.


As I begin to see my way out of this feeling, I can share what I'm learning. I can compare notes and offer encouragement as I gain encouragement. Isn't that powerful? The hideousness of my depression and my battle with it can be used to encourage someone else. Even this can be turned around and used for my good and "the good of those who love Him".

"Oh, death. Where is your sting?"

I hope you find encouragement here.

I hope you find peace and comfort in knowing you're not alone.

I don't have all of me to give but I will give what I have. And I'm so excited to do just that.

Hebrews 4:15-16
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.


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