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Friday, March 15, 2013

It Can't Hold Me

Some think my choosing to deal with depression through focus on God's word is equal to denial. Some say with shrugged shoulders, "If that's what helps her, great". For those people, my heart breaks. For those who don't see any real hope in God, I want all the more to shine His light.

But you see, I'm going down a different path than most. That choice comes with criticism and even concern at times from others. Foregoing the medication offered to me and choosing to plug in to all I know to be true instead isn't a popular choice.

But this "darkness", is just a shadow. It doesn't own me. It can't hold me. It can't call me by name. It isn't alive in me. I choose to set it aside. I choose to focus on hope...and faith. I choose to sing out songs and lift up all that is good and perfect despite what my body feels. I don't befriend darkness. I don't curl up and get comfy with it. I don't give in to it. I don't allow it to rob me of  my life.

I fight. I kick. I hit. I punch. I claw. I yell. I stomp. I cast off.

I get up. I move. I breathe. I look ahead. I release the tension in my back. I smile. I laugh. I sing.

I seek light.

I keep going.

I live hopeful.

Yes, there are times when my body is overcome by physical symptoms of depression. There are times I really struggle and I need to stop and give myself a break. I relate it to this:

2 Corinthians 4:8-10English Standard Version (ESV)We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 

You see that? That is what lives in me. That is the hope I have. I'm not crushed, not driven to despair, not forsaken {LOVE that one}, not destroyed. He is always with me and I am ever encouraged. 

"Depressed" may be the word doctors use to describe me but my name means "Beloved One". I am so loved. More than that, though, I am His. I am a daughter of the King. 

With this, another bit of darkness moves away and another bit of light shines in. 


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