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Monday, March 4, 2013

When Depression Sneaks In

It was a normal day of stay-at-home-mom life with my 3 littles running around and playing. Our school work for the morning was done and free time was being enjoyed. The sounds of laughter and play were all around until my little girl, who is affectionately called Peanut, got hurt.

She began to wale, as she often does, and my oldest boy nervously ran away. In this instance, he wasn't guilty of doing anything but wearing her out. She was clumsy and fell down.

I had just finished my lunch and was about to enjoy a cup of coffee with some rest time of my own when this happened. Instead, I put down my cuppa and rushed to her side to make sure she was alright. Right then, it hit me. Something within me overwhelmed and almost crippled me to a halt.

This feeling is all too familiar these days.

Depression has been on mission, sending sneak attacks and trying to drag me back down to that feeling of being stuck in a pit.

This was one of those attacks. My throat began to feel tighter and my insides began to feel like they were trying to crawl right out of my skin. My little girl was crying and in need of comfort and all I could think of was how badly I just wanted to get somewhere quiet.

The mom in me took over and I was able to scoop her up, cuddle with her on the couch, and make sure she wasn't in need of anything more than TLC. I wiped her tears and decided I should get each child busy with something on his/her own so I could take a moment and catch my breath.

Mercifully, it was then my baby girl's nap time. After I took care of her and tucked her in, I set my other 2 littles up with something to do independently. I sought out comfort and quiet on my couch, put my feet up, and took a few minutes to relax and pray.

What came to mind was a scripture I could not get enough of the day before. Psalm 36 : 9b says "In your light do we see light". Depression can be easily compared to a pit. At least, I often feel like I'm stuck in a pit when an attack hits. So while I feel stuck in darkness, I can think on the promise of "light".

This promise doesn't always mean that I'll feel great all the time. Instead, it means that even if my physical body feels as if it's being held captive, my soul knows that this will pass and I will "see the light" again.

The reality is, I'll either find healthy ways to cope that work for me or this can be something I suffer from for the rest of my life. Whatever the outcome, I choose hope. I choose to believe this is an opportunity for character to be carved onto my heart.


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