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Thursday, April 18, 2013

A Pool Of "Accepted" ( and a song )

I have said a lot of silly prayers in my time. When I was little, I kept a prayer journal. A book covered in red fabric with blue and purple flowers and the sloppiest handwriting of a young girl held within, I found this book not too long ago.

There weren't too many prayers inside but one in particular held my attention and sent me into a fit of giggles.

"Dear God, I want to ask for something." This is how I started my prayer. Then I proceeded to hand Him my Christmas wish list. Yes, I figured if I wasn't supposed to ask Santa for anything, I could ask God. {Can you tell "gift giving" is my love language?}

The best request? "I really want a rainbow clown wig."

What on earth?!? Oh, that just made me laugh and I wondered what in the world I ever thought I would use that for, paired with my requests for baby dolls and bottles with disappearing juice. It didn't make any sense but that was so "me".

This little book came to my mind this morning as I was getting ready. I was looking through my closet and thinking of the lovely, warm weather I needed to dress for and grabbed my one, purple maxi skirt.

"This may sound silly, God, but I would really like some more maxi skirts" I prayed. I started to giggle at myself. "What made me think God would hear a prayer like that and actually care?"

Just then, I heard a whisper in my heart "Of course I heard you. I also understand your prayer."

"PFFT! Yah, right, Amy! I'm so sure He understands a wackadoo prayer like that" I thought in response. My sarcasm had gotten the best of me.

Again, another whisper...

"I do understand, Amy. I made you. I 'get' you. You are my design, not your own."

...humility, joy, love, and peace all mushed up together, hit me at once. I was overwhelmed in a pool of "Accepted".

For the first time in my life, I saw God so near to me. I have heard great, religious speakers talk of intimacy with God before, and I thought I knew what it meant, but I never thought this. I never thought it meant I would feel that He understands me and feel that in a positive way.  I more expected His "I understand you" to be more of a "Yes, that's nice. Can you think about something real now?"

As if He needed to tolerate me.

As if I'm too flawed for real acceptance.

As if He wants me to just keep trying at life and we'll see how close I get to being who He wants me to be in the end.

God doesn't just put up with me. He doesn't roll His eyes and sigh at my silly thoughts. Today, I felt Him smile at me as He reminded me just how accepted I am. And with that acceptance, I felt a "Tell me more" tug in my heart. I felt it to the point that I just wanted to sit down and talk with Him about whatever came to mind.

This is the conversation with Him I have been needing for a while. 

The little girl version of me knew I could talk to Him about everything. When did I lose that? When did I grow out of that kind of faith? It was a good thought to ponder as I appreciated its return.

And because I'm a musical person, this little song popped into my head. Maybe you know it? It's called "I Love You Just the Way You Are" by Billy Joel.

Sure, it's a silly old song but in thinking of it, I smiled and said "God, you get this too, don't you?"

Maybe you need the kind reminder too. Maybe you need to hear a "silly old song" from the bottom of His heart. In the interest of sharing this light hearted reminder, I have this song for you.


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