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Saturday, July 27, 2013

It Isn't Failing


So, I was reading this amazing book all about how a little boy's mind works, how that connects with his spirit, and my roll in all of it as his mother. The information I was reading seemed like an endless well and I kept taking and taking from it. And then I got to the chapter about what a mom means to her son.

And I put the book down, unwilling to go any further.

It told me all of the things my son needs from me, and friend, that list seemed infinite. It suggested I do certain activities with him and make sure to not do others. It drew a picture that, to me, looked like a Mary Poppins mom. Of course, this was my perception while I was reading. {Notice how I never took time to let the words of encouragement sink in that I read.}

I had to stop reading because I felt like I failed him. My son is 6 and if I'm not already this super mom who engages him in all the games he wants to play, never yells at him, and only says positive things to build him up, can I ever be? I felt like the answer to that question is No. No, I can't be this idealistic mom. No, I can't wake up tomorrow and shake off 6 years of motherhood to begin fresh and be more like Mary Poppins this time.

All of this thinking really dragged me down. I really felt miniscule and asked God what I was supposed to be learning here.

And He whispered it gentle to my soul. "Amy, you may not match a book's ideal image but you are my idea. You, and the son I gave you, were made in my image. Is there any other way you should have been made? What you're doing with him isn't failing. It isn't failing, but it's learning. It is loving. It is caring for and giving to and teaching him about who I AM."

And I sobbed like a baby as these words graced my heart.

It's true. I'm not a horrible mom and I'm not failing my son. I'm learning about what it means to be a mom while raising a boy who is learning about what it means to be kid {at this stage in life}. I love that boy with everything I have and want to protect him from a world of harm. I teach him and pour into his heart about who Jesus is and what that means for him.

And yes, I lose my patience. And yes, I've raised my voice and hurt his feelings. Yes, I've missed the mark quite a few times...but I didn't fail.

As long as I follow God's lead, I can't fail any of my children. Instead, I can learn and become better over time. And in the meantime, I can drink in those new mercies every day.

Have you been there too? Are you there right now? Let's encourage each other! Strike up a conversation in the comments box. :)


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