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Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Don't Hate The Waiting

The other week, I had arrived to an office building early in the morning for a scheduled, outpatient procedure. I signed my name in at the desk, handed over my identification to the receptionist, and had a seat in the "family room style" waiting room.

I noticed quickly how I had begun to fidget in my seat, shifting my weight back and forth and trying hard to get my phone to connect to the internet there. I thought to myself "I hate this waiting. I just want to see the Doctor and get this done."   I was hungry, tired, and impatient while I tried to stay composed and pleasant.

But if you've ever been in a situation like my own, you know the waiting doesn't start in the waiting room. For me, the waiting began the day I got off the phone with an appointment made for the procedure. I had been anticipating this one day for 2 weeks and now I sat in the waiting room.

Just like this scenario, I found myself in a season of life that was all about change and all about waiting at the same time. The hubster and I could see this great wave of change on the horizon last fall, and it's slowly been setting in - all the ways our lives and our activities as a family are changing. And just like with my procedure, my waiting began the day something shifted our focus last fall and we began to see the outline of something on the horizon.

In my procedure and in my life, I made the mistake of asking for knowledge over wisdom. I wanted to know how everything would play out.

For my medical procedure, this thirst for knowledge left me anxious. I KNOW I'm not the only person who has googled their symptoms or their procedure to find possible results. I was scared to death from the knowledge I acquired in my own searching.

In the season of change for my family, I was praying for knowledge. "God, just show me what's going on and what steps I need to take." And as I began to acquire knowledge, I began to feel dizzy with anxiety. I changed my prayer quickly. "God, I don't want to know anymore. I just want to trust and to follow your lead."

There's a certain release that happens when you choose to trust. When I chose to trust the nurse who came to get me and help me get ready to see the Doctor, I felt at ease and just saw my procedure as the next step I had to take to find answers to what was going on internally. When I chose to trust God, who was leading us through a landscape that had no beaten paths, I felt peace and began to simply take the next right step.

David. In I Samuel, David is the baby of the family. His waiting room looks like a pasture where he would hang out with sheep all day. This doesn't sound like the most exciting job in the world, does it?  But regardless of how fun or not fun it was, David was faithful to show up to his waiting room and wait. This could have been the rest of his life. He could have been the youngest brother stuck with the least interesting job and at the end of his "waiting room", he would start his own family and pass down all he learned as a shepherd.

But one day, Samuel showed up to have a chat with his dad. Samuel told Jesse, David's dad, that he was there to appoint the next king. The scriptures say that Jesse passed 7 sons before Samuel and none of them were the right one. Samuel had to ask an uncomfortable question. He had to ask Jesse if  all his sons were there in the room after he told him that the Lord didn't have any of the other boys in mind for the job. I feel like I can almost hear Jesse's answer when he says something like "Well, there is still the youngest... but ... he's out back taking care of the sheep."

And then the moment happened. Samuel knew that this forgotten one was THE one he was there for. He told Jesse to have David sent inside and said that no one there was going to sit down until David came in. When David came in, Samuel didn't have to guess if he was the one to appoint as king. The Lord spoke on David's behalf and instructed Samuel to anoint him because David was, in fact, the right one.

What do you think was going through David's mind at that moment? He smelled like fresh air and sheep, I'm sure. And consider this - he was just outside minding his own business and the next thing he knows, he's being anointed as God's chosen king. David was probably a bit stunned, to say the least.

I was stunned when I finally talked to the doctor and he explained to me my next steps. I was stunned when my life was being turned upside down and my everyday life was being dramatically changed as God began to unfold His plan.

But no matter how I feel, when the next step is being given to me, I'm learning to simply trust. Whether I feel like I can handle it or not
Whether I feel like I deserve it or not
Whether I honestly believe God has got the wrong girl or not
Whether it looks like I expect or sounds like I expect or goes as I think it should


The waiting room is where I'm being formed into the next season.

It's like the 3 times I've experienced pregnancy. As soon as a child is conceived, they are being formed. The first thing they develop is their sense of hearing, then eyesight, and on and on. Their limbs begin to grow, their organs begin to develop, their fingers and toes appear, they grow hair, and all sorts of things about who they are and how their body will work are all being decided in that womb - in that waiting room.

I had one baby decide to come too early and the doctors called her premature. She left her waiting room before we were ready for her. For a few weeks we all kept a close eye on her and she had to have her bilirubin level checked every day. She was very near to ending up back in the hospital. Thankfully it all turned out OK with her but it just reminds me to not try to get through the season of waiting before it's time. I want to move in God's time and follow His leading. I want to get all the way to where I'm heading with all the tools and abilities I need before I arrive there.

Does this resonate with you? How have you felt in the waiting room seasons of your life?


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