There was a strange energy in my house this morning. Something was on my son's mind and making him behave a bit differently than I'm used to. My 9 year old boy was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and I know his behavior patterns pretty well. It seems that on the mornings when he just can't be still and needs to make noise for the sake of making noise and is more likely to run away from a crying sister he hurt than to her, there's something big on his mind that he doesn't know how to process. Be it good or bad, he reacts this same way most often.

Can I admit? I lose my patience with it sometimes. I get frustrated because I don't (and probably never fully will) understand why he does things the way he does. This morning I raised my voice at him and ended up looking him in the eye and apologizing to him, telling him I got it wrong...again...please forgive me.

He smiled at me and hugged me. He said "Of course I forgive you, mom" and then he squeezed my ribs way too tight (on purpose) and laughed a big laugh. I messed up his hair and helped him and his sisters gather their things and head into the truck so we could be on our way to school.

We arrived at school and I parked the truck. I have to walk my preschooler into the building so we skip the drop off line and head straight to the parking lot. As I turned off the truck I heard the *click* of seatbelts being unbuckled and heard my girls singing the song they enjoyed on the radio during our drive. I got out and shut my door, only to open the rear, driver side door and encourage the little hands to grab their backpacks and the little feet to make their way out of the backseat.

That's when I saw my boy in the back row with a panicked look on his face as he looked back and forth and over again. "I guess I forgot my backpack, mom!"

Let's pause my story right here for a moment. Remember with me the kind of morning we had. The boy who was so busy with being rambunctious, the boy who hurt his sister and ran away, the boy who I lost my patience with also was the boy who forgot his backpack. For a split second, I was tempted to let it be a built-in consequence. But then I looked at him and saw his face. And I heard him saying to himself "How could I do that? I'm so stupid". Yah...I was thinking those same things when I lost my temper earlier in the morning.

I extended my hand to him and said "Come on out, bud". As he took my hand and began to step out, his other hand was holding his head as he continued to mumble negative things to himself. I gave him a hug and told him that even if he had a rough morning, he could change all of that right that moment. I told him things could get better and encouraged him to try his best to have a good day.

And right then, I decided that this morning we had could be used to teach him an important lesson. He could learn about mercy.  (He was clearly beating himself up enough already over the responsibility portion of the situation).

The hubster and I try to extend mercy to our children when we can. Some situations need discipline, but others can be used to build up their character. I believe that it's up to myself and my husband to teach our children the character qualities we would hope develop and that means we must be intentional to capture those teachable moments.

And it's a simple thing, this backpack, but he's 9 and I hope he remembers this.

I said goodbye to each of my 3 kiddos and got back in my truck and just kept thinking this word, "Mercy", over and over in my mind. How do I help him learn about mercy when a backpack drop-off would probably be best done if I didn't take him from his class and make it bigger than it needed to be? What is true about mercy for me that I want him to grasp for himself?

I'm a mom who makes mistakes but I'm a mom who believes that God is a merciful God. He has shown mercy to me many more times than I can count...even when I was off doing my own thing and thinking that He had probably forgotten about me. I promise you, I can look back through my life and see that even though there were hard times and pain, there were times when I didn't get what I necessarily deserved but I was given mercy...undeserved mercy.

After arriving home and grabbing his backpack, I whipped up this note and grabbed a clothespin to attach it. The note read "God's mercy is bigger than any mistake you make." This is what I took to his school office and they said they would get it to him.

 This doesn't make me a super, amazing mother. This isn't to make any other mom feel bad about a time when she may have missed the mark. Please believe me when I say I miss the mark many more times than I hit it. This post is not about "Hey, look at me! Mom of the year, over here!". No.

This post is about a way I chose to handle something with my son and I hope you can see yourself in this story. That mercy I want him to learn about so badly is because I want him to grow to be a merciful person - just like I want to continue to grow in being a merciful person. How many times has mercy been extended to you? Those times are the places when you were loved so much. And not only that - God DELIGHTS in showing us mercy. (Micah 7:18)

~Amy

A Mom Who Makes Mistakes

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11 years ago was the first time I had volunteered to work at a summer camp put together for foster children. It offered them a week of one on one time with all the spoilings. A carnival, a birthday party with their own name on their own cake, a day to dress up for their own photo shoot, a mud walk, horse back riding, and even more than I can list was orchestrated just for them. During my week there, I immediately bonded with the girl I was paired with and I so wanted to take her home with me. My heart was truly broken for children in foster care.

This first time volunteering happened the summer before I was married. It was also the summer after my general practitioner warned that with the ovarian cysts and endometriosis I was suffering (I still suffer from these), I may have a difficult time conceiving. And? It was the summer after my hubster had completed his chemotherapy to fight off the cancer in his body. His doctors told him he may not be able to father a biological child.

I remember arriving home from camp a wreck. I cried for days. I had long talks with my hubster (then, finance') about adopting...since we didn't think children were possible naturally. We agreed that summer that adoption is something we should do.

Almost a year after we were married, I found out I was pregnant. We wanted to try to conceive naturally and I thought I had it planned out perfectly... God decided His plans were better (and mine were adorable, clearly) and blessed us with a son.  It was funny how even then, with the excitement of a baby of our own, I said "OK....we'll have at least 2 kids" because my heart was still wanting to adopt.

The hubster agreed. We revisited this conversation quite often over the years.

With baby number 2 and baby number 3, our hands were plenty full. Still, that vacant space was in my heart...where's that one we've been praying for?

And friends? It's finally time. This is finally beginning. We are getting licensed to be a foster home with the intention of adopting from the foster care system. WE ARE EXPECTING AGAIN!

This feeling is so foreign to me but it's so familiar at the same time. When I talk about the child waiting for us to bring him/her into our family, I choke up. I can't help but cry like a pregnant woman. That child, whoever he/she is, is so wanted and so loved already.  And yet, while that expectant feeling is there, all the celebration that would surround a pregnancy is a little hushed...or questioned...or even concerning to some.

I've cried about that, too.

If I were walking around with my belly growing rounder by the week, perfect strangers would be tempted to smile and touch my stomach. Now, I'm walking around with my heart growing and stretching bigger by the day: A hidden pregnancy. And while some congratulate, others ....well....their eyes can't hide their opinion from me.

I suspect this is just the beginning of that feeling and something I'm going to have to put on like skin and try to figure out "What in the world would Jesus look like in this?" (lol) In seriousness, though, these looks are going to be something I see and something I will choose to look past because I promise you, this child is worth all the stares and questions from onlookers who don't understand.

An interesting (and sweet) side note? Most people of faith would say that they understand God a little bit better after being a parent. But the heart of adoption? That will give you an entirely different lens to see faith through.

I'll keep posting updates as I have them on our licensing process and forward from there. I'm excited to take you all on this journey with me and my family. I hope you're as excited as we are.

~Amy

Adoption (And A Hidden Pregnancy)

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It's so hard to be a mom and to NOT compare yourself to other moms. Very quickly, one may find herself with a shopping list that doesn't fit the budget for brands and items that aren't a true "need" but would help her keep up with the rest of the flock. It's a slippery slope and it's something I've struggled with on and off since I've become a mom myself.

Over the years, I've improved for certain. I've gotten out of the "brand" game and decided that whatever I think is best + whatever fits the budget = my reality. {Magic!} But there's still this nagging comparison that has lingered. I thought, perhaps if I vent my imperfections with you it would help.

1. I don't cook organic meals for my family. It's a wonderful concept and I would do it if I could. The truth is, I can't afford to buy organic everything so I don't. It's hard enough dealing with finding lactose free items for my son, let alone feeding a whole family that way.
2. I gave all three of my children formula at some point. They're healthy and normal kiddos and I did it with their best intentions in mind since I could never get the hang of breastfeeding long enough to make it through a year.
3. I have to make myself leave my computer some days. It's an easy escape for me to hop on and dive into the facebook/pinterest/instagram of it all. This is something I've learned to harness but I could get a better handle on it.
4. I am jealous of the moms who have the wardrobe I wish I could afford...for both myself and my kiddos. This is something I am too hard on myself about but it's real, nonetheless.
5. I skip chores sometimes. I look at my list and decide I don't want to do it all, so I don't. That means I have a lazy side.
6. As soon as I moved from the condo into the house, I gave up on cloth diapering. I had too much to adjust to and I didn't deem it to be as important as learning first how to take care of this great {as in large} space.

You see, my comparison monster has to do with how I parent and run my house more than anything else. If I hear some mom talking about some organic spread or this new thing she's trying for meal prep, I have a hard time sharing with her my enthusiasm for Taco Night and Pancakes for Dinner. Something in me believes she's better than me. It's not true.

Each mom is different and each has her own way of loving and raising her family. I can't guilt myself for not being someone else or not having the finances to afford the organic options of my favorite foods or the latest fashions. There's no shame in the fact that I am just ME and this is MY family. After all, the measuring stick isn't between one mom and another, it's between a mom and the family she's raising.

{The hubster tells me all the time that I'm doing a good job. ;)  }

Better yet...what about when I take who I am and look at myself the way God sees me? By doing that, all the silly comparison notes quickly fall by the wayside. HE loves me AS IS. Of course, He wants me to continue to become a better version of myself as I become more like Him. But He certainly doesn't want me to try and be like anyone else around me. I can admire someone and learn from them but I can't try to be who they are.

Do you struggle with comparison? What are some of the ways you learn to let that go?

Repeat After Me: I Will Not Compare Myself To Others

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As a stay at home mom to {now} three little ones {ages 4.5, 2, and newborn}, I have to admit how easy it is to allow my TV to come to my rescue from time to time. Maybe you know what I'm talking about. On those days when I'm not feeling well or one of my kiddos aren't feeling well, it's almost a "no brainer" to allow things like Comcast and Netflix swoop in to save the day and pacify the situation. My husband and I aren't always weak to this temptation, though.

After reading research articles and speaking with the pediatrician, we came to agree how important it is to actually put a cap on how much exposure our little ones get to things like TV or even electronics/video games. We now know that 2 hours a day should really be the most "TV time" our kids have. This will help them to build important skills they need for school and everyday life. We've decided, in our home, to abide by this 2 hour maximum and have found a technique to make it easy for our little ones to keep track of their own screen time.

{I'd like to add that screen time for us is not just TV. We also consider items like the LeapPad, V.Reader, and other video games to count toward screen time.}

Upon recommendation from a fellow co-worker of my husband, we've implemented the "5 Penny Rule". It's been very simple to use and we've had no issues with transition to this. Basically, the rule is that each child is given 5 pennies a day. Each penny counts as 20 minutes of screen time that can be used toward watching a show or part of a movie {if the child chooses to not use multiple pennies to watch the whole movie}, playing on the LeapPad or V.Reader, or playing a video game {we have a V.Motion system for the little ones}. If, for example, my son wants to watch a show on Netflix, he gets a penny from his dish and politely asks if he can watch one. I take the penny and put it aside and set the timer while he settles in for his show. As soon as the timer goes off, the show goes off. It's as easy as that. And if he uses up all of his pennies in the morning, he doesn't get any more.

Also, in the Five Penny Rule, there are NO ROLL-OVER minutes. This means that he can't use today's minutes tomorrow should he have a penny left over. We don't want him to go over the time we've allotted for him. I've learned to beware of the temptation to give in also. If I stick to the boundary, my kiddos will learn to respect it and me.

I'm a HUGE fan of this rule and am so happy we've started using it. I'm not the bad guy anymore. If the pennies aren't there, they aren't there. It's no longer seen as my saying "No" because I'm in a bad mood or I don't like my children...my son used to suspect that I didn't like him if I told him "No". This has eliminated battles in my home and made room for more constructive play and together time.

I can't forget to add that we DO enjoy special nights like "Movie Nights" in our home. These nights are always parent initiated and don't cost any pennies. We pick up the tab on that. ;)

How about you? How do you handle things like Screen Time in your home? Are there any other battles you face that you've developed strategies for? {I love trading tips with other moms so don't be shy.}

**I received no compensation for this post. Also, this is not a review for any of the mentioned children's electronics. This is strictly based on my opinion and my experience in parenting my children. Others may not agree.**

The Five Penny Rule: Managing Our Young Ones' Screen Time

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Every day I am faced with choices. Some choices are simple and some are quite tricky. Some are made when I'm in a great mood and some are made when I'm ____ {mad, sad, stressed, running late, annoyed, tired, un-caffeinated, pms-ing, you catch my drift}.

It's funny how I understand how important my decisions are. One tiny error in judgement can send my day, or at least part of it, into a whirl. I understand this, but I forget. I mess up. I snap. I sigh and shake my head. I get way too worked up. I forget to look UP and ask for help.

This morning could have very well, been one of those mornings when I would "forget" what I should do. It had all the right ingredients to create a complete disaster of my day. Let me share with you a brief, bullet-point version of the morning's happenings to help you understand.

• Eliana, who normally wakes at 7 am, wakes at 6:30. {yawn}
• My Keurig is acting wonky and is unwilling to brew a full cup of coffee {ugh}
• Alex wakes up and declares he is NOT going to school today {no, I'm not rewriting and already written book.}
• I have less than 45 minutes to get myself together, get children dressed, get breakfast fed, and pack up enough to entertain us all for our morning. {I have Bible study, Eliana has a class to go to for childcare, Alex has preschool.}
• Alex doesn't want breakfast {seriously?}
• Eliana is getting into my makeup while I deal with Alex {sigh}
• Alex wants to watch a quick show before school and I see that we can squeeze one in. It may just help me gather our things to get out the door. {yes, he did eat breakfast}
• I have no idea where the dvd remote is. It's been missing for weeks.
• Alex only wants to watch the bonus episode on the DVD and I can't navigate the player to get to the menu.
• Alex is having a tantrum and still doesn't want to go to school.
• Eliana is crying because she doesn't like to see anyone upset.
• I'm saying to myself. "It's all OK, we can deal with this. Keep pressing on..."
• I grab my cell phone to find out I forgot to charge it and it's dead. {with the way this morning is going, I don't think it's wise to leave without a phone handy.}
• I pack up our bags for our classes
• Alex is now jumping up and down screaming because he doesn't like school and he can't watch the bonus episode. 
• I stop.

In that moment of high levels of noise, ticking clocks reminding me I'm running late, unhappy children, and stress creeping up on me, I stopped. I stopped and looked at the tears on my son's face. I couldn't give him what he wanted because I didn't know how...but then I realized that it wasn't about the show anymore. "Alex. Can I give you a hug?" I asked as I knelt down.

He sniffled and nodded his head so I pulled him in and wrapped my arms around him.

I began to whisper, "Alex, you mean so much to me and I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you." I said a few things more and after that, it was like I hit a switch. He was calm. I was calm. Eliana was calm. Everything we needed was gathered and I remembered I had another phone that I could put my sim card in. {It just happened to have a full battery.}

I looked again at the clock and nodded to myself. We were going to be late and that was OK. The most important people to my heart felt loved before we left our home and that was all that mattered to me. If I had forgotten something I "needed" or sent Alex into his class later than the rest of his friends, I was fine with that. Because I knew I didn't "fail" this morning.

I had, in fact, succeeded. I did it right. I threw the clock and it's stresses out the window and loved on my kids.

And do you know what? Alex marched into his classroom with a HUGE smile on his face, ready for his day. And he actually had a really great time there. Eliana was excited to play with people her own size and enjoyed cheerios with them. I was able to sit with some moms I know and answer "I'm doing great, thanks" when asked how I was doing. {And I was actually telling the truth!}


I miss this so often but this morning I remembered to check my "Mom-ostat" and make adjustments to keep my home at peace. I once heard that a mom is the thermostat of her home and everyone reacts accordingly. That old adage of  "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" isn't too far from the truth. If I'm stressed and allowing myself to become angry or pushy, my children will become the same way. But if I take the time to stop and gauge where everyone is at on the happiness scale, I can change everything about the way they feel...and I feel.

I thank God that we made it through a hectic time and got where we needed to get, albeit late, safely. Since making the choice to stop and let everything else go, I have felt joyful and my children have been acting as if they feel the same. Thank goodness that He grants wisdom when I need it most.

Have you checked your "mom-ostat" lately?

Throwing My "Mom-ostat" In Check

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