A long while back, I wrote this post about being a new foster mom.  In that post I invited you into the journey and longed to share our process with you. 

Some things just aren't meant to be the way we initially thought they were. 

I found that I needed time...and more time...and more time to continue processing this journey as it continued to unfold. Gosh, this situation was so complicated.  How could I share in real time something that was breaking me down as a person and challenging every bit of goodness I had in me?

There are so many stories I would love to share with you. There are reflections I have as a foster mom, and now adoptive mom, that I believe I had to live through in order to be an encouragement to others. 

For now, let's begin at the end. We recently had the beautiful opportunity to adopt our son. That makes us a family of 6 now, and we are looking forward to the possibility of fostering another child soon. (What? Am I crazy?? ...Yes. LOL...) Our hearts and arms are open to caring for a child who needs a safe place to be while the grown-ups in his/her/their life sort out the issues and make the plan to heal the family unit. 

Foster care in this house is child focused. We look at real needs in real time and work hard to help any child see the treasure they are and the good that exists inside and around them. We are a home that wants to offer space for healing and an example of love. WE ARE NOT PERFECT! We mess up. We miss opportunities. We get tired. But we strive to be honest and own our mistakes, apologizing when necessary. We work to help kiddos reach important milestones and learn how to simply be a kid. I didn't realize children would need to be taught how to be carefree when coming into foster care, but now I know that full well.

I'll be making an attempt to go back in time and walk you all through a bit of the process we experienced. I hope you're in for a rollercoaster. ;)   

Along the way, I will be happy to answer questions. You can ask in the comments or DM me on instagram or email me. I can't promise I can share answers to every question, but I can promise to try or share something helpful if I can't give you the full answer. 

Love y'all!

I'll see ya "around".

Amy

I Ditched You, Back There...

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September is proving to be quite a challenging month.



We're in the groove of back to school and all the activities have started back up. Thankfully, we don't have a whole lot going on. It's just enough to wear us out, though, for sure.

As a mom to 3 kiddos, you may imagine it's pretty easy to feel like you're getting pulled all over the place with their lists of activities they would like to do. My hubster and I choose to not get yanked around. We allow the kiddos to pick one activity...and for now they're all taking swim classes. As soon as they can swim independently they don't have to take any further classes. (unless, of course, they would like to continue.)

My 6 year old daughter would like to be an olympic swimmer.
We'll see how level 2 goes. ;)


Earlier in the moth, we were camping in Mackinaw City, MI. I need to write a completely separate post on how we enjoyed our trip in Northern Michigan. It was gorgeous. A few highlights from our time up there was the morning I got to go running with the hubster from our campground, through town, to the Mackinac Bridge, and back. It was challenging since I'm not the one used to running between the 2 of us, but it was nice to have that time with him. One other highlight was walking over the Mackinac Bridge on Labor Day. There were SO many people but the only ones who mattered to me were with me. My 3 kiddos, my hubster, and my father-in-law walked across the 5 mile bridge together. If you ever get the chance to get to Mackinaw City for Labor Day, you must walk the bridge. It's a memory worth making.

On a more personal front, this month has been tough.




Following my announcing our desire to adopt from foster care and the beginning of our licensing process, we have been hit hard in other areas of our life. It all seemed like it came out of nowhere. I don't really want to get into the details of all that went/is going on, but I can say it's painful and stressful to live through. I've had stomach aches from stress and a few restless nights. I've had a few times when I had to just let myself cry and release some of what I was feeling.






But listen.

No matter what I feel, no matter what is going on around me, I'm careful to keep myself from staying stuck in the stress. I keep my mind set in positive places as much as possible. I enjoy time with my kiddos, I rearrange furniture and decorate my home, I stay on my workout plan, I fill my home with worship music, and spend time literally counting my blessings.

This is the only life I get to live and the truth is, life itself is a gift. I get to choose how I approach each day. I get to determine my attitude. I don't want to waste this one life being bogged down by things other people are doing or things that are out of my control.

And believe me. It's easier to type this out than to live it. But I choose to let it go. (Somedays I have to let it go over and over again). I choose to believe that I'm strong enough to continue forward. And I also choose to take care of myself by allowing the tears to fall and saying the words "Things aren't OK right now" when I'm speaking to someone I can trust. Being honest with myself and those who can support me is really important.

One day at a time, things will begin to look up. I believe it with all my heart.

Life Lately & How I'm Keeping My Chin Up

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11 years ago was the first time I had volunteered to work at a summer camp put together for foster children. It offered them a week of one on one time with all the spoilings. A carnival, a birthday party with their own name on their own cake, a day to dress up for their own photo shoot, a mud walk, horse back riding, and even more than I can list was orchestrated just for them. During my week there, I immediately bonded with the girl I was paired with and I so wanted to take her home with me. My heart was truly broken for children in foster care.

This first time volunteering happened the summer before I was married. It was also the summer after my general practitioner warned that with the ovarian cysts and endometriosis I was suffering (I still suffer from these), I may have a difficult time conceiving. And? It was the summer after my hubster had completed his chemotherapy to fight off the cancer in his body. His doctors told him he may not be able to father a biological child.

I remember arriving home from camp a wreck. I cried for days. I had long talks with my hubster (then, finance') about adopting...since we didn't think children were possible naturally. We agreed that summer that adoption is something we should do.

Almost a year after we were married, I found out I was pregnant. We wanted to try to conceive naturally and I thought I had it planned out perfectly... God decided His plans were better (and mine were adorable, clearly) and blessed us with a son.  It was funny how even then, with the excitement of a baby of our own, I said "OK....we'll have at least 2 kids" because my heart was still wanting to adopt.

The hubster agreed. We revisited this conversation quite often over the years.

With baby number 2 and baby number 3, our hands were plenty full. Still, that vacant space was in my heart...where's that one we've been praying for?

And friends? It's finally time. This is finally beginning. We are getting licensed to be a foster home with the intention of adopting from the foster care system. WE ARE EXPECTING AGAIN!

This feeling is so foreign to me but it's so familiar at the same time. When I talk about the child waiting for us to bring him/her into our family, I choke up. I can't help but cry like a pregnant woman. That child, whoever he/she is, is so wanted and so loved already.  And yet, while that expectant feeling is there, all the celebration that would surround a pregnancy is a little hushed...or questioned...or even concerning to some.

I've cried about that, too.

If I were walking around with my belly growing rounder by the week, perfect strangers would be tempted to smile and touch my stomach. Now, I'm walking around with my heart growing and stretching bigger by the day: A hidden pregnancy. And while some congratulate, others ....well....their eyes can't hide their opinion from me.

I suspect this is just the beginning of that feeling and something I'm going to have to put on like skin and try to figure out "What in the world would Jesus look like in this?" (lol) In seriousness, though, these looks are going to be something I see and something I will choose to look past because I promise you, this child is worth all the stares and questions from onlookers who don't understand.

An interesting (and sweet) side note? Most people of faith would say that they understand God a little bit better after being a parent. But the heart of adoption? That will give you an entirely different lens to see faith through.

I'll keep posting updates as I have them on our licensing process and forward from there. I'm excited to take you all on this journey with me and my family. I hope you're as excited as we are.

~Amy

Adoption (And A Hidden Pregnancy)

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We all reach times in our lives when we can feel it's time to shift into a new gear. That exact feeling is what I've been pondering presently. In more ways than one, I know something new is on the way for me and my family.

In the fall, I'll begin homeschooling my little ones and I'll be spending this summer in preparation for that. This is an obvious gear shift, though. It's something that's been on my radar for a few months now.

I feel the big changes live under 2 different umbrellas...and can mean many different things for my family. The first is our house hunt and the second is the son or daughter who only lives in my heart for now. We continue to search for the home God has for us. It seems that they're selling pretty quickly...so quickly that the most recent one we saw was pending an offer the very day we saw it {probably as we were looking at it. lol}. This house hunt is teaching us how to wait on God's leading so we're thankful for the process. And yes, I did say something about adding another child to the family. This is not a biological child, though. This is the child we will adopt.

My heart feels so heavy for this 4th child. I'm not sure where he or she will fall on our timeline but I know that I'm already in deep thought and prayer for him or her. The possibilities for this addition are many. We could adopt after getting settled into our new home or as late as when the kids are grown and gone...only God knows when. But the thing about this unknown child is the hubster and I have wanted him or her since before we had our own children. Yes, this has been on our hearts for around 6 years now.

The anticipation of all this change is so high for me right now. It's like the last bit of "clicks" up the hill before going over the edge on a roller coaster. I'm excited for the new things coming our way and wonder what it all means.

Ever Evolving, Ever Changing

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I've been going through a lot of emotions since I arrived home from camp. Today, my feeling is that of frustration.

But before I get into all of that, let me share a little bit about Vision Hope and its Champions For Life Kids Camp for those of you who are not familiar with it. Vision Hope and Champions For Life Kids Camp were founded as a way to bring summer camp to foster children. This camp is not just your ordinary camp, though. There are camp Grandparents and an Aunt and Uncle who visit with the children to give them more of a family feel while at camp. The meals are served family style as well which gives great opportunity to chat with the children there about the day and any other topic that comes up.

Champions For Life Kids Camp also offers many opportunities for the children attending to try something new. The camp schedules technical tree climbing, a mud walk, archery, swimming, a carnival, a camp birthday party, a day of beauty shop where special photographs are taken, and more. These are ways to bring new experiences and show the children what they're good at to help build confidence.

The camp takes place two weeks a year. Each week, a different group of children and staff come up to the campground. This makes it possible for even more children to have an opportunity to attend summer camp. There are volunteers who go both weeks. I've considered it, but one week is really exhausting on its own so I really respect those who go up both weeks.

Need more info? Just visit VisionHope.org to get your questions answered or find out who you can contact should you want to volunteer or make a donation.

Alright, back to the thoughts on my week there.

I met some tremendous children while at camp and I heard some horrific stories. And while their stories have moved me to tears over and over again, my frustration is not stemmed from a feeling of hopelessness. Rather, my frustration is rooted in the desire to do more. I just don't know what that means yet.

For me, I feel like volunteering at camp once a year is just a small way I can be helping these little ones.

So, I'm praying. I'm asking for guidance on how I can do and be more for the children I've met and others like them. I'm considering being a mentor at a group home while I wish I had more room in my home to take in and adopt a foster child. All I know is that my heart is broken for these children and I have to find a way to do more...whatever that means.

 

Vision Hope: The Call Is Great

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I'm not trying to bombard you with foster care information today. I just saw a video that I have to share with you. At the end of it, when I saw the little boy playing at the park with his foster parents, I lost it.

I don't know when or how but someday...someday, we will have our own story of bringing in a foster child. Someday. 

 

While We're On The Subject...

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