We all reach times in our lives when we can feel it's time to shift into a new gear. That exact feeling is what I've been pondering presently. In more ways than one, I know something new is on the way for me and my family.

In the fall, I'll begin homeschooling my little ones and I'll be spending this summer in preparation for that. This is an obvious gear shift, though. It's something that's been on my radar for a few months now.

I feel the big changes live under 2 different umbrellas...and can mean many different things for my family. The first is our house hunt and the second is the son or daughter who only lives in my heart for now. We continue to search for the home God has for us. It seems that they're selling pretty quickly...so quickly that the most recent one we saw was pending an offer the very day we saw it {probably as we were looking at it. lol}. This house hunt is teaching us how to wait on God's leading so we're thankful for the process. And yes, I did say something about adding another child to the family. This is not a biological child, though. This is the child we will adopt.

My heart feels so heavy for this 4th child. I'm not sure where he or she will fall on our timeline but I know that I'm already in deep thought and prayer for him or her. The possibilities for this addition are many. We could adopt after getting settled into our new home or as late as when the kids are grown and gone...only God knows when. But the thing about this unknown child is the hubster and I have wanted him or her since before we had our own children. Yes, this has been on our hearts for around 6 years now.

The anticipation of all this change is so high for me right now. It's like the last bit of "clicks" up the hill before going over the edge on a roller coaster. I'm excited for the new things coming our way and wonder what it all means.

Ever Evolving, Ever Changing

• adoption change life
• Leave a Comment

Read More

For the longest time, I've been in love butterflies. It's not just because they're beautiful. It's mostly because I see my life when I look at them and it makes me so happy...so at peace.

I've wanted to share about this here but I had to think carefully about how I would approach the topic. Honestly, I could say 1,000 things about them and how I relate to them.

For the purpose of this post, I think I'll just stick with looking at the life cycle of a butterfly.

The Egg:

Before I was even born, God had a plan for my life. He knew my journey would be incredible and at times difficult. Still, he knit me together and put his thumbprint on my life.

The Caterpillar:

Goodness. This stage is hard for me to look at in great detail. This is the part of my life that I spent "getting fat" on what the world had to offer me. Have you ever read the book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar? One day the caterpillar enjoys one thing and the next 2, and the next...you get the idea. Indulgence. I spent so much time indulging in myself and my desires. I was hurt so many times and by my own choices too. I unfortunately suffered scars of molestation, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, rape, being cheated on {a few different times}, broken promises, a suicide attempt, anorexia, depression, anxiety...the list goes on and on. So I had to indulge in things that made me feel good as a means of escape.

And God said "Enough".

The Chrysalis:

I met my husband and felt like I was finally tucked away from those painful shards of memories. I was "tucked in" to feelings of peace, grace, hope, happiness, love, and more. But being "tucked in" was not enough to remove the pain.

No, my friends. The pain can only be removed with time.

So I waited...and waited...and tried everything I knew to rid myself of the pain from my past. While being securely held by love, I learned that I couldn't run from anything or "get rid" of anything. No. I had to face it and it was like I was having a bad dream.

I went through a twelve step study called Celebrate Recovery and it was at this time that I began to heal from those wounds. I was pregnant with my first child and I was desperate to shake off the shards and splinters so I could be a healthy mom. I learned to face it...and forgive...and let go...and take responsibility...and cling to God's love like never before...and heal.

And one, glorious day...

The Butterfly:

I emerged a changed person. I was completely different in every way,  yet, I was still the same person. You see, inside every butterfly lives a caterpillar story. And when they flutter around so freely, there is still the past where they were crawling the ground and indulging...in something...as a means of escape...from something. The difference is in the chrysalis stage. Everything changed when I surrendered it all and took time to heal.

The promise of the butterfly is:

"I will never be the same again".

And I'm free.

Now I see butterflies all the time. I see them in the trees. They flutter across the hood of my car while I'm stopped at a light. Heck, one jumped out of a box when we raised two of them in our home recently. This butterfly walked right up onto my hand and stayed there until I put it down outside...and it fluttered away. These are what I call "butterfly kisses". I remember my past but in such a happy way now. If not for the caterpillar, I would never experience the sweet,simple freedom of the butterfly.

Butterfly Kisses

• butterflies butterfly celebrate recovery change life
• Leave a Comment

Read More