I've been dreaming a big dream and taking itty bitty steps toward pursuing it. And when I think about the size and the weight of this dream, I begin to laugh. Out loud, I laugh and shake my head and say "God, this is the worst possible time for all of this. What am I thinking?"

I feel like I need to get God to follow my Instagram feed.
"See that, God? I have 3 children. Have you counted those faces in my pictures? And look at this photo. Do you know what I was doing right then? Homeschool. God, I teach my family because I felt you asking me to do so. {Do I get brownie points for obedience?}
God, did you see the picture of me having a bad day? That one in particular was really bad. The picture doesn't really show all of it...I guess you know all about it, I just want you to hear my side.
Oh, this day was a day of no pictures. No. But my middle child decided on this day to somehow cover her hands and legs with poop in the bathroom. The smell...nevermind...I screamed when I found her like that. What was I supposed to do? I wished anyone else was there with me to help me clean her up so I could stop gagging.
...
Um.
...
Would you like to see pictures of me cleaning the home or decorating?
Would ANY of this prove to you I'm busy!
And if that weren't enough, I feel like I'm going to fail at that dream over there because I feel like I'm already failing here. When my children talk back to me in a way that only I could teach them...or when I have an anxiety attack and melt in the middle of my kitchen and cry...or when I'm just not being very patient...
don't you think that's failing?"

~

Friend. In the middle of my humanity, in the middle of my tantrum, when I feel my heart is failing me, a simple verse finds me and redefines my reality.

^{I John 3:20} for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 

This verse brings freedom. My life as a mommy, teacher, wife, friend, daughter, sister, fellow grocery getter is going to be FULL of failures

and falls

and bruises

I AM GOING TO MESS UP and IT'S OK!

In those moments my heart wants to turn against me and put me in my place or throw a pity party, God is greater than my heart. In the times my heart is broken, whether it's by careless words or the weight of this world, God is greater than my heart.

Isaiah 55:9For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

He sees what I can't see and knows what I can never know or understand. And in those times I feel like I need to fill Him in on my pile of excuses, I can almost see Him smile at me with that knowing smile. "C'mon", He says gently "you see what you know, but I see the rest of it from this very moment to eternity. Will you trust me?"

I don't know what questions you're throwing up at the heavens. I don't know if you have a bone to pick with God or a question about something you just don't understand. I don't know if you're like me, surrounded by toys, a week's worth of laundry, dirty diapers, and dishes in the sink. Wherever you are, friend, can I meet you right there for a second?

Right here...this present tense...He knows. And He acknowledges your cries and even your moments of weakness. And HE LOVES you.

1 John 4:8 

God is love. 

 IS

He doesn't just feel love towards you and I, He IS love. That means His love is active and moving, always pouring over us. We will never be able to fully understand His love because our humanity allows us to shut down and stop loving.

He never stops.

He IS love and He is Greater than our own hearts. He knows everything.

This makes me love Him all the more.

This truth feels like an embrace, a calm in my soul, and grace for my mistakes.

I will trust Him and lay down my excuses. I will keep pursuing that dream of mine. What about you?

Of My Many Excuses

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I've been taking a class at my church on Wednesdays that is based on the book {and workbook} Love And Respect {author: Eggerichs} . In this class, I'm not just learning information, I'm learning a different way to think, act, and behave.

Here's the part where I'm supposed to tell you that I'm learning all about how to show my husband respect and it's going just swimmingly well. I tell him nice things, he brings me flowers. I learn to button my lips and he takes me shopping for shoes.
...
Can you hear the sarcasm?

That's because nothing comes that easy. No, friends. This is work.

But it's worth it.

As I'm learning what it means to respect my husband, and I mean really respect him, I'm learning...well...a lot of things. There are some secret "man-code" things I'm learning that help me approach him the right way or respond to him in a way that shows him love. But beyond the light-hearted things, I'm learning that my words can be venomous. {Oh, how venomous my words have been.} I'm also learning that...well...I can be pretty spoiled. And while it is so wonderful of the hubster to be so good to me, I need to not come to rely on that. Finally, I'm learning the art of shutting my mouth and turning the other cheek. As in, I'm learning to not participate in conversations that can turn ugly and not return "an eye for an eye" with him.

If I can be blunt, I've never lacked love from my husband but he has lacked respect from me. Sure, there have been times when I felt he was unloving but I've never felt unloved. This truth reaches into the core of me and causes me to change...To do better...To be better...To give him all I have.

He's worth all of this and more.

Have you learned a powerful truth like this in your own relationship?

The Art Of Love And Respect

• husband life love love and respect marriage respect
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Sometimes I wish I could freeze time...to go back in time...so I could fix a few things. I wish I would have appreciated things or paid closer attention.

But I'm here now...in this place...in this time. I'm grateful that I never stop learning or appreciating things so I can continue to grow as a person.

Anyway, here's the scenario that brings me to this post. I dropped in on my parents with Alex the other day {I LOVE that I can do that} and my mom was showing me a gift someone gave her. This person just wanted to be a blessing to her and thought this little statue was just right.

I took one look at that thing and made a face. I could feel the face I made too. It was ugly. And my mom was smiling and sincerely happy.

Why did I cringe? Well, I simply didn't understand why this was the item given to my mom. It didn't suit her at all. No, it wasn't offensive. It just isn't anything I would EVER even consider buying for her. Since I know her, I know she wouldn't like it since she doesn't necessarily agree with what it stands for.

She explained that she appreciated the thought and wanted to keep her gift on display for that reason.

Truthfully, I wouldn't have displayed something like that. I would have tried my best to receive it gracefully, cringed the way I did when I was finally alone, and then put the gift in a closet on a shelf somewhere. My mom, on the other hand, saw it fit to give the gift a place in her home...and then show it off.

What grace. What beauty. What pure love.

Yes, I could stand to be a little more like my Mom.

Do you have an influence in your life who challenges you to be a better person?

I Could Stand To Be A Bit More Like My Mom

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One of the first words that people relate to Valentine's Day is "love". I love love, don't you? The word, on its own, takes me back to my wedding day when the Minister read from this passage to the hubster and I.

1 Corinthians 13

Love

 ¹If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,^[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

 ⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 ⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 ¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

What I find most inspiring about this passage is that it points out the great importance of  loving others while it defines exactly what that means. To love each other is not an easy task. Did you see what love is?  It's difficult to really love sometimes. It's difficult but it really is the way we're supposed to live.  

As you enjoy your Valentine's Day, try to keep those things in mind that define "love".

House Blend ~ Happy Valentine's Day

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~All You Need Is ~

~In the spirit of Valentine's Day. I LOVE this adorable outfit my sister and niece picked out for Eliana.~

For more Wordless Wednesday, click it. :)

Wordless Wednesday ~ Feb. 10th

• eliana love valentine's day Wordless Wednesday
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The Way I Am from TheMrs. on Vimeo.

To My Hubster

• ingrid michaelson love music video the way i am
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We're having a lot of fun with Tot-School! If you'd like to join in, visit the link and learn how.

This week we've been working on a "love" theme. I'm going to try and take it as far as I can this month.
Here are a few of the things we've done:

In our "love" theme, we were working on the color "red". I blew up a red balloon and we played a game of "keep it off the floor" together. I kept talking about the red balloon as we played and he asked for it again later.

Alex enjoyed playing with red play-doh...

...and colored a red ladybug.

Alex enjoyed these alphabet, puzzle cards. I'm not sure who makes them but I bought them from Scholastic a few years ago.

This is our version of the love poster. Every day we read the scripture and stick another heart on the window. He loves doing this. :)

We also spelled out the word "love" with his alphabet clings.

We enjoyed reading these two stories and...

...Alex even got a special valentine in the mail from his friend.

We had a very fun week and can't wait for more!

Tot-School ~ 2/08

• Alex love the color red tot school
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The 12 Days of Christmas event has been so great so far. There are a lot of new readers (welcome!) and a lot of familiar bloggers who are joining in.

I'm blown away and blessed by each of you. I hope you all know how much I value you. I hope you never feel like you're just "another click" here at my blog.  I look forward to corresponding with each of you and stopping by your blogs as well.

Now, in the spirit of all of this Happy Stuff going on here, my family and I have put together a little something to show you how happy you've made each of us.

We're a talented trio. Don't be mistaken.






Are you ready for it?

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

LOL.

Anyway, I think you're all fab-u-lous. Talk to ya soon!

You make me dance!

• dance happy jib-jab love
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