All over the map this year. I experienced so many emotions in one day and I’m afraid to look in the mirror to count the gray hairs that have sprung up.
First, there was pure excitement and happiness as my little family sat around the tree to open presents. Alex was the star of the show and opened gift after gift. (He even opened Eliana’s gifts for her). I loved seeing his little face light up and hearing him say things like, “Oh, wow! This is my cool Buzz Righthear” (or Lightyear if you don't speak toddlereese). We had a wonderful time together.
Then, we drove to my parent’s home for breakfast in the pouring rain. We had a nice visit over there, opened some gifts, ate yummy food, and spent some time catching up with my little brother who was home from college.
After breakfast, we headed back home to catch some rest before Christmas dinner at my in-law’s and this is where the day gets hairy. Alex, who was buzzed up on Christmas cheer refused to take a nap. The hubster and I were plumb tuckered and really wanted him to rest so we could. Hmph!
I received a phone call from my mom around this time. My poor sister had to part ways with her cat ON CHRISTMAS due to an injury that would cost an insane amount of money to fix. Needless to say, she was a wreck and was not wanting the “Merry Christmas” calls for the day. Hmph again!
During Christmas dinner at my in-law’s, Alex began to choke on a strawberry. I’m not talking about a little *cough, cough* kind of choke. I’m talking about SERIOUS choking. I yelled something like, “Heimlich! Seriously!” to the hubster. He jumped out of his seat and grabbed Alex trying to do anything to help him. I looked in Alex’s mouth, found a whole, frozen strawberry, swept it out with my finger, and wanted to fall apart. Instead, I held Alex close, thanked God that he was alright, and tried to remain calm so Alex would be confident that he was OK.
*sigh*
So, there is the story of my crazy, up & down day. Overall, we have a lot of great memories of Eliana’s first Christmas with our family. And, beyond the gifts we received, we made sure to keep the real reason for Christmas in the forefront of our minds and hearts. I’m just happy we didn’t rely on the day itself to bring us any measure of happiness. You know what I mean?
5 years ago this month, my husband started treatments to help battle the cancer that was spreading in his body.
It all started in the Spring of 2004 when a cancerous tumor was found that needed to be removed immediately. He went into surgery to have that taken out. The doctors kept a close eye on his blood tests and scans only to find that the cancer had spread to his lungs months later.
*How could this be happening? He had just turned 21 years old. It didn’t seem right at all.*
I should mention that the first tumor was found right after the hubster and I had moved in together. I thought God was punishing us but I know better than that now. In any case, this was something that would either bring us together or tear us apart.
When we learned that the cancer had spread, we went from doctor to doctor to get opinions on how to treat it. Luckily, we found a great cancer center at the University of Michigan Hospital and it was decided that he would face chemo and radiation.
The day that decision was made was the worst and best day of my life. I was working when he called to tell me what he had decided and when his treatments would start. I cried all day at work and went home to hug him after the work day was through.
Right when I got home, the hubster asked me to marry him and told me that he didn’t want to go through treatments if he couldn’t spend the rest of his life with me when it was over. ( I said “Yes”, of course.)
So, he went through his treatments. I watched him get very, very sick and cared for him the best I could. I watched his hair fall out and saw him get more thin than I had ever thought possible. Through it all, though, I saw him keep his chin up and stay positive. This inspired me to no end. How can you be so weak and sick and still care more about the people around you than you do about yourself?
His positive attitude got him through his treatments and the treatments worked their magic. Now, he gets to celebrate being 5 years away from when he started his treatments.
This experience not only brought the two of us together, but it taught us about God’s grace and how even the darkest of situations can be used to help us grow in character and faith.
You see, the great miracle here comes after the surgery and the treatments. The doctors told us that children may be impossible as he could very well be sterile from the treatments. They also warned that if we did conceive a child, he/she could have some sort of deformity due to the chemicals that may still be in his bloodstream from treatments. On my side of the world, I had my doctor telling me that children may be impossible due to the ovarian cysts I was continuously getting and the endometriosis I had. It didn’t look like we should even attempt to have a family of our own.
Still, the hubster and I believed that there was a child that God had for us. After we were married not even a full year, we decided to try and conceive a child. I found out I was already pregnant with Alex the very month we were going to begin tracking my ovulation. God had a plan for us and look at us now. We’re the parents of 2 children (one who will make her appearance very soon) and we know that they are both blessings and both miracles. There is not a day that we don’t thank God for choosing us to be parents.
**Here’s to 5 years of being cancer free, love! I look forward to the many, many years we have left together and watching our family grow. You inspire me and have taught me so much about being a stronger person and how to lean on God when I can’t be strong any longer. I love you!*
